Breakfast and the morning routine go without a hitch, and we wander up on deck to watch the ship pull into the dock. First realization: No tenders! Good, because nothing puts the brakes on a great cruise like having to wait 30 minutes in each direction to get on and off the boat. Kudos, Disney.
I strongly recommend watching the ship pull in; after watching nothing but water for 2.5 days, it's nice to see the houses built on the hillside that you'll never afford (I mean, let's face it: if you're on an all-inclusive cruise put on by Disney, which has to TELL you how much to tip your servers, houses on the beach in St. Maarten are probably out of your price range...just sayin'...). The sunrise over the water was also a treat, and it's just around this time that it hits you: I'm pulling into a foreign country. Buut, it's the Caribbean; do we really NEED to be in “foreigner” mode? You know the one I'm talking about: money belt under the pants, loose-fitting clothing, 3 photocopies of your passport, wallet in the front pocket, and purse across the body (for the ladies). Wellll...yes and no. On the one hand, you ARE in a foreign country, and casual vigilance is the best policy. On the other hand, this island's only industry (the two sides will be emancipated from France and the Netherlands, respectively, by the end of 2007) is tourism, and the locals will do everything they can to ensure you have a safe, enjoyable time, so you and your family will come back and spend more of your hard currency.
Look at it this way: If you don't go looking for trouble, trouble will have a hard time finding you. Remember on Day 1, during the fire drill debacle? Same rule applies; if you get in trouble on a peaceful Caribbean island, you've probably already failed at life. People in this demographic explain why no one has won the grand prize on “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?”
But back to the story:
Land-Ho! Terra Firma! After two long days on the boat, we're finally back on dry land. We collect in Diversions, and are given a briefing on what will happen after we disembark, and issued our stickers to keep us together as a group. After the usual chaos of getting off the boat (don't cheat using the elevators; people will glare at you). We shuffle down the gangplank, and out into the sun. After stumbling around with our wobbly sea legs, and reacquainting ourselves with the pleasures of a floor that doesn't pitch, roll, or yaw, we noticed noticed another cruise ship across the dock from us: the Norwegian Dawn (ed note: NCL may or may not be the crappy other cruise line to which we compare DCL all the time...maybe). Sitting between the two behemoths, I was able to compare the two. First thing I noticed: crew members were painting the scroll trim on the bow of the Magic. Pan left, and the same area of the boat on the NCL ship, the recess where the anchor resides, a stream of corrosion runs down to the waterline. There was a cheesy “smile” painted on the bow of this behemoth, and the corrosion formed a rusty streak, like the ship had eaten too many hot wings, but forgotten to wipe its mouth. “Disney moment” #837. I love this ship.
Ok, so we follow our guide to the bus to the Rhino Riders, load up (the 10 members of the extended fam make up the entire Rhino Rider contingent...good, I have about had my fill of other people at this point).
Thus beings our ride to the other side of the island, where our driver (forgot his name) welcomes us, and begins to give us a brief history of the place we will call home for the next 9 or so hours.
While lending only half an ear to the monologue (Dutch and French sides to the island; only industry is tourism, stuff I already knew, thanks to Wikipedia), I began to notice more substantive details about the area we drove through: First off, it is clear that a majority of the island is quite poor (compared to US standards, and certainly to those of the median Disney cruiser. In fact, one main road on the trip was, as described by our guide, originally a colony for freed Caribbean slaves, and that the area's current population is largely descended directly from them.
Additionally, I noticed that much of the area we went through (after leaving the dock), would probably not be safe to walk through at night. I don't say this disparage the area; quite the contrary! It was refreshing to be removed from the overly-sanitized Disney environment, where everyone can find love and success, as long as they reach for the stars and remember their dreams. The bucket of ice cold reality on this tropical paradise was good, I think.
The second thing I noticed was, I never felt unsafe on the drive. Now, I've been to some rather unpleasant areas, from Southeast DC at night, to well within the West Bank in Palestine, and felt perfectly safe on this trip. So note: Yes, you go through a pretty bad area to get to the Rhino Riders, but your bus is clean, and doesn't stop until you get to the Rider area; you aforementioned hypochondriacs will be just fine.
So, without too much further ado, we arrive at the Rhino Rider area, meet our guide, Arian, and suit up in our life vests; it's time get wet 'n' wild.
Rhino Riders Review:
Ok, so what's a Rhino Rider, and why is it worth $84+tip of my money for each member of my family?
If JetSkis are like dirt bikes on water, these are more like dune buggies; and you better believe it, respectively.
Instead of a handlebar, which turns the nozzle (combined with leaning to turn), these babies have an actual steering wheel, about the size of a small pizza (8” or so). Instead of a thumb-activated throttle, the craft uses an actual lever, again like a full-sized boat.
Picture a two-person “rubber raider,” like the ones used by the Navy SEALs. However, I'd put off any plans to invade the French side of the island (they'd probably surrender, anyway); note that, unlike a JetSki, water depth is a LOT more important, as you're using a big outboard motor, and smashing up the prop could really ruin your day. The guide will be good to keep you far enough out from the shoreline, though.
Also, adherence to the 18+ rule for drivers is not optional. According to the staff, if the harbor patrol catches them out with drivers under 18, the company will be shut down indefinitely, and charged “many thousands” of dollars. Don't try to bribe them, it won't work (not that we, you know, tried it...).
Don't ask. Don't even try to skirt it, because the company has all of your information from the cruise line, and they will double-check before you leave. It doesn't matter. Whatever your question, exception, or plea is, it doesn't matter. Have some sort of man-child 12 year-old with a pituitary problem? “But he's 6'4, 235 and has been scouted by the Green Bay Packers to play tight end!” Doesn't matter. Speaking from experience, they will turn your whole crew back around, and rearrange the seating such that someone 18 or over is driving every Rider. Them's the breaks, kids.
After a short orientation (the staff is fun, and they make plenty of jokes), we were distributed our snorkeling gear, and saddled up.
On the way out of the dock, a member of the staff snapped our pictures (on each Rhino Rider; plan accordingly if you want particular couples together), and then we were off!
Rather than try to explain their performance to you, how about I just show you a video:
Basically, it has all the crash-and-smash into the waves of a JetSki, without ever worrying about tipping over (really, we tried and couldn't); they top out about 40 mph, and are a BLAST.
You do have to stay in a relatively straight line with the guide, but he doesn't hesitate to open up the throttle a bit, once you're out of the dock area. That was nice; what was even nicer was the tour of the harbor, and seeing all of the immense yachts. In another life, remind me to go to business school, and own one of these monstrosities.
So we cruise around the island (due to our delayed arrival, we went to a closer diving area), and arrive at our destination. After enjoying some cold sodas (or water, if you prefer) that Arian brought along, it was into the water! Hmm...a little chilly, but beautiful and clear. Our alternate snorkeling site was great; just off a rocky outcropping on the south side of the island, where a lot of old concrete and iron pylons had retreated beneath the water; this made for great coral and sediment growth, home to hundreds of brightly-colored fish. Sweeeet.
After 40 minutes or so of snorkeling, Arian asked us if we were ready to return; we saddled up, and headed back in. On the ride back, we were encouraged to “go faster!” and took a side trip in the harbor, past the, um “European” beaches. What a beautiful island. Even if it is French.
Upon our return to the dock, we were offered more free sodas, rinsed off our snorkel gear, and are shown the pictures they took at the beginning of the adventure. We bought ours.
End of Review
After drying up, it's back to the boat for lunch at Topsiders, just me She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed.
Over lunch, we discuss the possibility of going on the 15-day transition cruise through the Panama Canal from Florida to Los Angeles. She was, at first, reluctant. But now we're sitting here in this tropical paradise, eating great food (from a buffet, even!), having just had a wet and wild snorkel trip in crystal-clear water, and did I mention it was 5 degrees, with 40mph wind back home today? So, let's chat...
After days of subtle, not-so-subtle, and clumsily-overt overtures and lobbying on the part of the fam, She-Who-Must-Be-Obeyed and I sat down, and hammered out the pros and cons of this adventure.
The scorecard looked something like this:
Pros:
2 weeks during a great season for travel.
Fewer other travelers, as most teens and other annoying kids are still in school.
It's the Panama Canal.
It's the Disney Cruise going through it.
Cons:
There aren't any. After pricing the trip with the lady at the desk, it would only be about $1,000 more than the cruise we're on right now.
Needless to say, she broke down. They should send me to broker Middle East peace; not to toot my own horn, but after I'm done, the only thing they'll have to argue about is Miller Lite (“Great taste!” “Less filling!”). I'm just that good.
Without further explanation, this is going to be us next year:
Nuff said.
We spent the rest of the day hitting up the Rainforest, jewelery shopping in the area immediately off the dock.
A note on this: they do have good deals on real jewelry; don't be put off by suspicions regarding quality. All of the places in the immediate area of the ship are legit, and several FMs purchased very nice jewelry there. I can't speak to any other places on the island, though.
Fast forward to dinner: It's pirate night at Animator's Palate, so beef tenderloin and all the desserts are on tap. I don't remember what all else, but it was a gluttonous feast, to be sure.
Moreover, I went all out: I didn't just have a hat, no, I had the most ridiculous hat conceivable: a massive two-corner affair that says “Dead Men Tell No Tales” when you push the button on the side. It was absurd, it was enormous, it was awesome. Why not go all-out.
After dinner, it was up to the top deck for star-gazing and the Pirates IN the Caribbean Show.
Pirates in the Caribbean Show Review:
Alright, we watched the one last time, and it was ok. We were plenty tired, so we didn't really pay attention to event, but we were determined to stay up for the buffet this time...that was the most important part!
So I grab a Rum Runner (they never get old), and listen to the REALLY LOUD MUSIC THAT DOESN'T STOP, but do grab a great seat. I'm sorry, but there isn't much funnier than watching a 50 year old dad dancing to “Under the Sea” with his kids. The guy you TOTALLY saw swearing at the TV screen during the NFC Championship Game enough to make a sailor blush. Yeah, NOW he's Mr. Responsible Dad. Awesome.
The midnight buffet? Wow. You know, because I'd gone a whole 20 minutes without eating, and, well, the cherry cheesecake looks incredible.
We trundle off to bed before too long; we've got another morning excursion, so once again I'm asleep before the lights are off. When was it I was supposed to relax, again?
